View from the outside
I didn’t see it. I didn’t see it because I couldn’t comprehend it. I couldn’t comprehend it, because I didn’t know how someone could do these things to someone they love.
This was the first time in my life I’d met a narcissist, and he was playing me for a fool. How could someone be so nice and loving, even making me think, I want what they have, so in love, having so much fun together, they fit together perfectly, then hear these things he was doing.
I knew Rene wasn’t a liar, she would rather be in trouble for telling the truth, then lying to get someone in trouble or herself out of it. But seeing this person in front of me, to what she was telling me tidbits about, didn’t add up.
Then one night he literally came smashing through the door, demanding to know where Rene was. I had left her with him, but he didn’t believe me.
That night was the first time in my life I experienced violence. The first time in my life I had to call the police, and the first night I realised what narcissistic behaviour was like.
There had been little signs. A little flick in his eye, a sly smile or just reading Rene’s body language. But I still didn’t understand the enormity of it all.
An asshole is an asshole, they walk, talk, live like an asshole. It’s not a part time gig? But it was. They can switch it in and off like a freekin light switch. So easily, with no consideration for other parties.
I decided to move out and get a place of my own, let them have their own space, thinking in my own little world, that this would help. It didn’t. A lot happened when I moved out, I’m still learning about it all to this day.
All I can say is I’m so proud of the person Rene has become, and I look up to her every day.
Having never been in an abusive relationship, I still to this day can’t comprehend what Rene has been through, it’s something you can’t fully understand until you’ve lived it, and then still there are so many different levels, none worse or better than others. The only thing they all have in common is they’re all unnecessary, and none of them are ‘the woman’s fault’.
Zen & Stone Limited